Somebody’s Got Apple Breath…

Excerpt from: Gen. 3:2-6 (TNIV)

² The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, ³ but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it or you will die.' "⁴ "You will not certainly die," the serpent said to the woman. ⁵ "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." ⁶ When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.

The Setting: The Garden of Eden

Main Characters: Woman unnamed & the serpent

Worst Supporting Actor Award goes to: Adam

Synopsis: The crafty serpent comes after the Woman. She obviously suffers from the same problem I do – understanding in the Word. She totally botches up God's decree about "the tree in the middle." Nowhere prior to this does God say anything about touching or not touching. This is mistake #1 or #2 depending on whether or not you count the fact that she's talking to an animal in the first place.

The serpent carries on with his plan of distraction. In verse 6, the Woman begins to notice that the fruit is "pleasing to the eye." Sure, go ahead and dress it up. Few things distract me faster than something I don't need presented in attractive packaging, unveiled by a slick-tongued infomercial salesperson – is it just me? It could be genetic because my mom suffers from it, too. Hello HSN & QVC! (Sorry, Mom! Admittance is the first step to recovery. This is a safe space – sort of). Anyway, so we've got the first used car salesman of all time here, except he's not selling cars and he doesn't have greasy hair and a nametag pinned to his shirt, but you get the idea. He's making a sale on something he doesn't own and the Woman is falling for it! Hard. No one (i.e., her husband, Adam) stops her. No one offers her guidance or protection. No one stages the first intervention on record. Nothing. She's blindsided and is 100% defenseless because she didn't turn to God. She didn't pay attention to His Word. She relied on her own interpretation and bears the breath to prove her fatal mistake which carries the curse that gets bestowed upon all humanity from now to kingdom come (quite literally). She goes on to give some to her husband because he was standing right there with her and it all just goes downhill from there. They suddenly realize they're naked and proceed to commit possibly the worst fashion faux pas in history, the fig leaf collection! Well, maybe it wasn't necessarily the worst. There were those powder-blue polyester leisure suits, the entire 80's era and uh, MC Hammer Pants (I never understood those). Aside from that though, worst fashion faux pas in history, HANDS DOWN.

In short: serpent deceives, Woman believes, Adam receives, need for skivvies agreed, God on the scene, curses decreed, for ALL HUMAN-I-T-Y…

…and all for the sake of a measly, fresh-plucked, cool, juicy, succulent…oh for goodness sake, it was JUST AN APPLE!!!