Bovines & Stinging Insects…

Assignment #2: Exodus 1-5 Initially, I thought 5 chapters? That's not bad at all. Then, I looked at tomorrow's assignment, Exodus 12-14, 20. Hmm. Must be a lot of "high points" in Exodus, so good they had to split it across two days. This ought to be good...and so far, so good. Check out today's entry.

Excerpt from Ex. 3:16-18 (TNIV)

16 "Go, assemble the elders of Israel and say to them, 'The LORD, the God of your fathers—the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob—appeared to me and said: I have watched over you and have seen what has been done to you in Egypt. 17 And I have promised to bring you up out of your misery in Egypt into the land of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites—a land flowing with milk and honey.'

"…a land flowing with milk and honey," eh? I'm curious. There sure is a lot of talk in scripture about this land of Canaan, the one flowing with the proverbial, albeit picturesque vision of a countryside filled to the point of overflowing with a calcium-rich beverage and low-glycemic sweetener which I'm sure tasted great on the old-testament breakfast fodder of wheat, barley, beans, lentils, millet and spelt porridge! The question which belies my mind is if the land is so flowing with this milk and honey, is that just a 'Hebrewally Correct' way of saying that the land is overrun by wild bovine and stinging, hive-dwelling insects? Just a thought. I mean, it doesn't exactly sound like a place I would really want to go to. I rather pride myself on being a vegetarian nowadays and the epi-pen wasn't delivered to the U.S. Patent office until scores of eons later. I know it was quite the promise to the Israelites and I'm glad they held out hope for its eventual deliverance. I'm just not so sure I would be that optimistic in this day and age. Where, in the context of the 'here and now,' would constitute a modern-day Canaan? The Caribbean islands? The land of 'Aloha'? And how could we dismiss those grand folks that bring us the wholesome creamy richness sourced from the 'Hidden Valley'? That sounds an awful lot like a promisingly, near biblical reference. A VALLEY, that's HIDDEN? Seriously, I'm just saying.

A New Kind of Fashion & the Other Tree

Excerpt from Gen. 3:21 (TNIV)

²¹ The LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them.

This is very interesting to me. God made garments of skin for them to be clothed with. I did some further research on this because initially I’m thinking well, if He made them garments of skin, what were they wearing or what did they look like to begin with? I’m glad I looked into this one because the image I had in my mind was not a pretty one. It’s still not a pretty one, but it is one that I can understand and makes a far-cry more sense than what was running through my mind to begin with. I cross-referenced several translations (KJV, YLT, Darby, etc.) and most all of the other translations say that God fashioned them coats of skins. Coats, as in a covering, a jacket of sorts. Skins, as in plural with an “s” which makes me think about animal skin or hide, not literal human epidermis.

I went on to consult the commentary of Matthew Henry. He provides compelling, nay, riveting insight as to the significance and symbolism of the skins. A few of the high points that I found of particular interest follow. Because of their sin, God could have chosen to kill them on the spot, but he didn’t. Instead, He gave them clothing.

Huh?! Clothing over death?! Those were the options God was working with?! What in the world?! What kind of a decision is that?! I mean He’s God, He can do what He wants, but there’s a vast difference in my way of thinking between clothing and um, say, death. Yet again, I’m glad I read some commentary. The metaphor contained herein was way beyond the spiritual scope of my brain on first reading.

Since clothing was only necessary after sin, we have no reason to be proud of it. It serves merely as a visual reminder of our shame and need for redemption. The first clothes were practical in every sense of the word. They were not flashy or colorful. They were warm, strong and very plain, a further reminder that we should be thankful in all things for all things. Clothing was simply a gift of mercy from God.

The skins obviously came from animals. The animals had to be slain in order for their skins to be removed. Henry goes on to say that the animals were probably slain in front of Adam and Eve to show them what death is and for them to understand that they, too, were mortal and dying. This is symbolic of the sacrifice of the coming Christ, the sacrifice to end all sacrifices.

The Other Tree

Excerpt from: Gen. 3:22 (TNIV)

²² And the LORD God said, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever."

I never saw this either. I won’t spend an exorbitant amount of time expounding on this one, but suffice it to say that it does make me wonder, what if they had partook from the other tree? What if?

Somebody’s Got Apple Breath…

Excerpt from: Gen. 3:2-6 (TNIV)

² The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, ³ but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it or you will die.' "⁴ "You will not certainly die," the serpent said to the woman. ⁵ "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." ⁶ When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.

The Setting: The Garden of Eden

Main Characters: Woman unnamed & the serpent

Worst Supporting Actor Award goes to: Adam

Synopsis: The crafty serpent comes after the Woman. She obviously suffers from the same problem I do – understanding in the Word. She totally botches up God's decree about "the tree in the middle." Nowhere prior to this does God say anything about touching or not touching. This is mistake #1 or #2 depending on whether or not you count the fact that she's talking to an animal in the first place.

The serpent carries on with his plan of distraction. In verse 6, the Woman begins to notice that the fruit is "pleasing to the eye." Sure, go ahead and dress it up. Few things distract me faster than something I don't need presented in attractive packaging, unveiled by a slick-tongued infomercial salesperson – is it just me? It could be genetic because my mom suffers from it, too. Hello HSN & QVC! (Sorry, Mom! Admittance is the first step to recovery. This is a safe space – sort of). Anyway, so we've got the first used car salesman of all time here, except he's not selling cars and he doesn't have greasy hair and a nametag pinned to his shirt, but you get the idea. He's making a sale on something he doesn't own and the Woman is falling for it! Hard. No one (i.e., her husband, Adam) stops her. No one offers her guidance or protection. No one stages the first intervention on record. Nothing. She's blindsided and is 100% defenseless because she didn't turn to God. She didn't pay attention to His Word. She relied on her own interpretation and bears the breath to prove her fatal mistake which carries the curse that gets bestowed upon all humanity from now to kingdom come (quite literally). She goes on to give some to her husband because he was standing right there with her and it all just goes downhill from there. They suddenly realize they're naked and proceed to commit possibly the worst fashion faux pas in history, the fig leaf collection! Well, maybe it wasn't necessarily the worst. There were those powder-blue polyester leisure suits, the entire 80's era and uh, MC Hammer Pants (I never understood those). Aside from that though, worst fashion faux pas in history, HANDS DOWN.

In short: serpent deceives, Woman believes, Adam receives, need for skivvies agreed, God on the scene, curses decreed, for ALL HUMAN-I-T-Y…

…and all for the sake of a measly, fresh-plucked, cool, juicy, succulent…oh for goodness sake, it was JUST AN APPLE!!!

Holy Sleep From Heaven

Excerpt from: Gen. 2:21 (TNIV)

²¹ So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and then closed up the place with flesh.

I don't know how your husband sleeps at night, but if he's anything like mine I can totally understand how it was possible for God to remove a rib from Adam without him knowing about it. You could do the same thing to my husband, kidneys, spleen, liver…leave him in a bathtub of ice water with a crazy note. All joking aside, I seriously think he would never be any the wiser until he tried to wake up in the morning, that is. Now I on the other hand would be a whole other story. The moment I felt my PJ's wiggle I'd be wide awake – wait, this whole rib-stealing scene takes place before the fig-leaf bit, right? Fair enough, story still applies though. I would have to be in some kind of sleep for someone, God Almighty included, to remove a bone from my body without my knowing. I've had my share of blonde moments, but I'm quite certain I would notice this, for sure. Now if any of you happen to have caught this article from REAL SIMPLE then you know I would definitely love me some of that kind of sleepin'. (Yes, that's me). Maybe I'll add that to my prayer wall.

And on that Farm He had A…

Excerpt from Gen. 2:19-20 (NIV)

¹⁹ Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found.

So Adam named them all? That explains a lot. No, seriously, think about it. Adam's the first man on earth to be tasked with, well, the first task. God sends along all these animals to promenade before Adam and receive their naming. This is a big deal. Adam's going to name ALL the creatures. Being that God has asked Adam specifically to accomplish this feat, he must trust that he has the imagination to muster up all those names and such. Well, the imagination of God would likely suffice, don't you think?

Can you possibly comprehend the scope of a task like this? I certainly can't, but even though Adam is the one on this assignment and he doesn't really have anyone to relate to (aside from God himself); I expect he tackled it like any other man. He probably started out headstrong with fancy, $5 names like: Altiplano Chinchilla Mouse, Banded Butterflyfish, Golden Mantled Ground Squirrel, Plate-Billed Mountain Toucan, Purple-Throated Mountain Gem Hummingbird, Redfront Long-Winged Planthopper and Yokohama Braconid Wasp to name just a few. Perhaps, somewhere along the middle of the line he started to wear down and came out with Alligator snapping turtle and an Adam's Stag-Horned Beetle. Is it an alligator or a turtle? Was it really necessary to name a beetle after himself? As the end of the line draws near there are only a handful of creatures left. He's probably been at this naming business for days at this point. The best he can drum up is: cat, rat, bat, dog, pig, fly. Poor guy. He started out so strong.

Now I know that many of these names probably were developed long after this epic event in the Garden of Eden, but nonetheless, I think I've proved the point that the naming of the creatures was no small feat. If you're interested to know where and what the creatures above happen to be please check them out here.

The Challenge Commences...

So I began my first assignment. I read through Genesis, Chapter 1 and I'm thinking, not bad. I've read this part many, many times in the past. In the beginning, day one, day two and so on and so forth until God takes a breather. Then, I get to chapter 2 and a funny thought occurs to me. I'm reading the part about where God wants Adam to give names to all the animals and for some reason, I find this really funny. I began to imagine in my mind what in the world that must have looked and sounded like and so I started making some notes. I keep reading and I start seeing more funny stuff. I make more notes. Pretty soon, my notes become a word document and I'm cross-referencing, googling for more info and calling up my new buddy, Mr. Merriam-Webster to help me out. Before I know it, I'm down quite a few pages and I'm thinking this Bible-reading business might not be so bad after all. I just have to find a way to relate to the material in a way that works for me and lo and behold, I believe I have. (Pay no attention to the "lo and behold"-bit...I'm just really excited because I think I may be onto something). So, without further ado, may I present to you...

61-Days Through the Bible from Genesis to Revelation: The High Points, The Low Points and Many Points in Between Which Scholarly Commentators Seem to Leave Out - Coincidental, I Think Not: An Hysterical Look Into the Historical Events That Shaped Our Present Lives A 'Comic-Tary' By: Kristy Lucas

In the Beginning...

It only seems appropriate to start things out this way. I've had this blog for awhile and just hemmed and hawed over where to start, what to start with, etc. Then, it dawned on me..."In the beginning God..." So that's where I'm going to start. I want to know Him better. I want to draw closer to Him and the only way I can do that is #1: through prayer, #2: reading scripture and #3: experience. I've always struggled especially with #2, reading scripture, always. My husband devours it like some sort of crazed, Bible-savage and I'm so overwhelmed by the scope of it that I can't even begin to grasp where in the world I should start. I am a Christian and I feel it's important to read and understand scripture, but the mere thought of it almost bores me to tears. I'm also a right-brained artist with a penchant for humor in bizarre places. In other words, if I'm going to stick my nose in some old book I have to find some way to make it a fun and enjoyable experience, erstwhile learning something in the process. Enter: A Challenge. Thirty-One days through the Proverbs just doesn't seem like much of a challenge (not to mention I've tried that one at least a dozen times) and 365 days through the ENTIRE Bible seems absurdly daunting. I need something manageable, but sizable enough to measure progress. I want to know a little bit about about a whole lot...or at the very least be able to hold my own in a quasi-intellectual debate with my husband and win, just once, or at the very least have him say, "Hmm, that's an interesting point." Something that justifies the journey somehow...maybe that's the wrong motivation, though. But reading for reading's sake hasn't gotten me anywhere thus far so maybe I'll start where I am (that whole bloom-where-you're- planted-thing) and see where I end up. I discover a reading plan on Bible Gateway for a biblical survey. 61 Days from Genesis to Revelation. It hits the high points of every book from beginning to end. More than 30, less than 365...this actually sounds manageable. I immediately whip up a chart reminiscent of my kindergarten days where you get a smiley-faced sticker every time you complete your assignment. Hey, I'm an artist-I need visuals. I gather my supplies: my truly awesome hot pink leather bible and a hot pink highlighter (just in case I find something interesting). Assignment #1: Genesis 1-3, 12, 15 & 22...Let the journey begin! Did I just use a Navy slogan? I guess I'm still a little salty...